(emotional yapping. may ruin your day/night. idk) Future Bot | Unnamed OC

Damn... I don't really know why I'm writing this tbh... to vent? to show frustration? maybe. idk...Last night, I learned about Sayaka Kanda for the first time. Her family. Her career: the Japanese voice actor for Anna in Frozen, Yuna in Sword Art Online, a bunch of other big roles I'm not remembering on the top of my head...But before all of that, I learned that she died almost 5 years ago. I learned about her through her mother, Seiko Matsuda. Then I did some more research out of curiosity and from one dark rabbit hole to the other, I learned that she commited su!c!de on Dec 18, 2021.I did a bunch of more research - about her career, her family and relationships, who would continue her memory, the causes and reasoning behind it - and each extra bit of information somehow made learning about this so much worse. That she was an only child and under extreme pressure caused by her family ties. That she was having issues with her vocal cords that needed surgery, and she was afraid of her future and how it would affect her career. That her boyfriend pushed her over the edge in a time where she needed support and reassurance, not verbal abuse and berating (I won't go over what he said here, but you can look up the leaked recordings from Takahisa Maeyama; they pissed me off). And that she deeply desired to build her future, get married, and start a family. And after all of that, she would've turned 40 years old on the first of this month...*(I also discovered Maona Kurosaki, did my research into her, had my heart broken further. Sayaka's best friend. She died a little over a year after her. I could go on so much longer talking about them both, but I don't have the space... I would recommend checking her out and the stuff they did together)*And she took her own life - the world lost someone great, forever... and that... I don't know how to put words into it. I haven't felt anything like this in a long time. With every little detail I learned about her - her struggles, her hardships, learning who she was through her music and becoming a fan of hers and of Maona (even when I can't understand a single word, their music is beautiful) - made everything feel more real. More bizzare. That one moment I never even knew someone existed, and then the next, it's like I actually knew her, and then on the same day I lost her as suddenly as everyone else did that December...it confused the shit outta me. broke my heart (fuck toxic masculinity. men can cry). pissed me off. so many fucking other things that I can't find words for. And that's a good thing. I would rather feel like shit like I do know knowing she was a real, amazing person whose life sadly ended in tragedy than to live without knowing what the world lost.I'm rambling at this point. sorry if I'm going all over the place - I'm writing this as things come.

She just shouldn't have died. I don't blame her for what she did, not after learning everything she had been through throughout her life, and definitely not after learning that the person closest to her betrayed and pushed and cornered her at her weakest instead of fucking be there for the woman you were considering marrying. I blame him, and my mind has gone through so many hypotheticals that kept my up last night and that have kept me reading and learning and wishing were true.So yeah. I'll go onto what this is actually about: the bot. I just want to say before that, check her out (and check out Maona too). Do your own research if you're up to it (it will probably hurt). Support her music and everything she was able to do. Whether you already knew about who she was and her passing or this is all complete news, help her memory live on.SO. I'm planning another dead dove sooner than I planned to. Heavily inspired by her story, by the hotel. I guess, to be the happy ending she deserved but didn't get - even if it can't bring her back. But also to spread awareness of her life to those who didn't know about her, and to spread awareness for mental health and finding the support you need